A Bit of Pride


17th May, 2013 @ 2:55 p. m

I was nervous, scared. I did not even waste a split second not praying to God that my hard work gets rewarded. In just a few moments my ICSE 2013 results would be declared at 3pm. But I was not alone. Thousands like me were getting the goose bumps, thousands like me with dreams held high. .

A few minutes later I logged on to cisce.ndtv.com with my index number. And lo! I discovered joy, heart-break and a little bit of sadness. My marks clearly satisfied my parents and my immediate relatives but stopped shortly before my expectations.

Frankly my English marks were my biggest disappointment. A 92 in English could not quench my thirst. Three years of hard work, dedication, love, and craziness for that subject yielded just a 92. Achieving a 95 was my goal but the ball was highly off-the-mark. Few could think that to what extent I went to reach my destination. Bombarding my teacher with endless doubts, reading up a plethora of topics and practicing, practicing and practicing. The list is endless. The 92 which I read on the screen seemed to be the most heart wrenching moment for me. I felt like crying. I was in the mood of destruction coupled with anger and disappointment. I wanted an explanation. But from whom? Who would be able to console me of what I have lost? But right then I was surrounded my merry making family who were extremely joyous over the fact that I had got 95.8% (which let me emphasize is a tremendous achievement). Essays were my playground. Prepositions my language. As You Like It was my forte and the poems my constant companions. But. . . . .  Disbelief embraced me and a feeling of jealousy gripped me (towards anyone who got more than me in English).

Moving the rest of the marks pretty much seemed to give me a smile. Hindi is an exception. Getting a 80 in a subject that too in ICSE is not considered to be a good mark by any standard. History, Civics & Geography, Mathematics and Computers helped to achieve that 95.8%. I could never have achieved these if it was not for my teachers. Thank you.

Later on I found that I was the topper in my school. Yahoooo!!!! But oops! I had to share my rank with another student (now this is another thing which I detest with my whole heart). So it came out in the papers the next day that I am the 10th topper of Jamshedpur (10th Rank? Well who are you?? ). Well it was the most wonderful moment in my life. Never before I felt so proud of myself. I had an expectation of 96.8% which I could not deliver. In spite of that I am happy. I am proud. This was my answer to my criticizers, to people who felt I was worthless. For many years I was underestimated, people rebuked me, insulted me but now I can hold my head high and say with pride, “I delivered.”

A line which is echoing in my head till now –

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same.”

This is just the starting. My entire Life awaits me.

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5 thoughts on “A Bit of Pride

  1. “My marks clearly satisfied my parents and my immediate relatives but stopped shortly before my expectations.”
    ~ I know the feeling 🙂

    And thanks for the inspiration; recalling those lines,
    “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two imposters just the same.”

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